After reading another blog tonight I decided to revisit my blog stats. It is bizarre to see what search terms are bringing people to my site. Some are pretty accurate in depicting my site, others, I find a tad disturbing. For instance, if you are here looking for ’suppository insertion pictures’ you’ll be sadly disappointed as we are fresh out of them at this point in time and will not be receiving our next shipment until summer. I’m not really sure why people would be searching for this or quite possibly where in my old posts these can be found, but if you are in need of these pictures, I am guessing you are either too old to read the directions on the package or you are a pervert. I’m going with the latter!

…Oh wait! Here is a suppository insertion picture right here! I found it in the corner!

In the midst of finding that picture, I came across something even more disturbing than suppository pictures. Friends, I’d like to introduce you to Deer Butt Doorbells.

I’ve just realized, somehow during my rambling about search terms, I got sidetracked, starting looking at deer butt doorbells and now have doomed myself to a new search term that will soon be gracing the Stat page of my blog. It’s like a never ending circle…

Now, to address some of my other stats; If you are here looking for the ‘HOT BODY GIRL’ I can guarantee you will not be finding it. On the other hand, if you are looking for ‘after baby belly’ we’re fully stocked.

The majority of my stats are pregnant women looking for advice, info, or salvation. So I thought I would do my best to help out those new moms. Here are some of the answers to the things you were looking for when you came across my site.

‘do you pee a lot the whole pregnancy’

-Yes. My advice: move your mattress into the bathroom. One way or another, this is where you will be spending the majority of your pregnancy.

‘5 days of false labor can i speed it up’

-No. No, no, no and no. I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.

‘make pregnancy go by faster’

-See above answer.

‘pregnant belly pics’

-Yes, I’ve got one or two of those lying around here. Now you can do the same thing I did my whole pregnancy, look at pregnant bellies on the Internet and ask your hubby over and over whether or not you are THAT big…

Now for something I have always wanted to try; maybe, by typing random words I can direct blog traffic here, or at least certain types of readers to my blog (Oh you’re just jealous I thought of it first!). So if you may, completely disregard this random outburst of words…

FREE DIAPERS

CUTE BABIES

SMALL PUPPIES

FREE MONEY

STAY AT HOME MOMMY

DEER BUTT DOORBELLS (I might as well give in to it. As hideously ridiculous as they may be…)