So today I think I drank 2 TONS of water. Needless to say, my toilet has never had so much company. I also did squats while cooking dinner, push-ups while Kayla brushed her teeth and a few crunches while holding Ava in airplane position (an have completely convinced my children that I’m one screw loose). I didn’t have time to get a walk outside today, Kayla had occupational therapy and we had to finish cleaning up after the mess we made while spring cleaning (yes, somehow cleaning made our house messier then before…NEVER MESS WITH THE SHIT IN THE CLOSETS!).

I felt kind of sad today, saying goodbye to a lot of our old baby stuff. A lot of those items hold so many precious memories. We gave Kayla’s favorite swing to my bro and sis-in-law. Ava never really cared much for swings but Kayla LOVED hers. I remember seeing her little baby chubb all tucked into it, fast asleep. I used to put her in it and set in in the bathroom while I took a bath. She would coo and babble at me and every once in a while I’d splash a little water at her and she’d laugh.

Sometimes it’s hard for me to realize that the objects don’t hold the memories, I do.  Perhaps why I’m still holding onto the burned chandelier from the dining room of our old house (It burned down in the San Diego wildfires last October-if you’re new to my blog). It’s terribly charred and distorted and looks nothing like it used to when it hung over our dining room table, but every time I see it, it’s feels as though I’ve lost this huge chunk of me. The hubbs was trying to convince me to throw it out yesterday while we were doing our spring cleaning, but I just don’t think I’m ready for that. Maybe next Spring.

I guess another reason it was so hard for me to part with all our old baby stuff is it just seems so final. Like this means for sure I am not having anymore children. If we did then we’d have to go out and buy all new baby stuff! I don’t want to be done having children. I loved being pregnant, I love kids! I just can’t have anymore right now. Now, if I won the lottery tomorrow, I’d be singing a different tune! I’d be knocked up by summer! But sadly, due to money problems (and the fact that I already have my hands full with a disabled toddler and clingy 7 month old) we just can’t live out our dreams of having a large family now.

I loved that baby stuff, but it’s just stuff. And even though I could still smell what Kayla smelled like as a baby on it’s cloth, that doesn’t mean I can’t smell it forever in my mind.

Okay…I’ve gone and made myself cry over a baby swing now. What a turd. Anyway, moving on…I know it’s going to hold my little baby niece or nephew in a few months and I know all of it will be appreciated. Then one day when their little one has grown and they have to get rid of it, they’ll know what I’m talking about now and won’t think I’ve just completely lost it!

Blah. What a weird post this is. Now going to get back to watching my Tivo’d shows like “The Bachelor.” Don’t be jealous. Haha!