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So today I think I drank 2 TONS of water. Needless to say, my toilet has never had so much company. I also did squats while cooking dinner, push-ups while Kayla brushed her teeth and a few crunches while holding Ava in airplane position (an have completely convinced my children that I’m one screw loose). I didn’t have time to get a walk outside today, Kayla had occupational therapy and we had to finish cleaning up after the mess we made while spring cleaning (yes, somehow cleaning made our house messier then before…NEVER MESS WITH THE SHIT IN THE CLOSETS!).

I felt kind of sad today, saying goodbye to a lot of our old baby stuff. A lot of those items hold so many precious memories. We gave Kayla’s favorite swing to my bro and sis-in-law. Ava never really cared much for swings but Kayla LOVED hers. I remember seeing her little baby chubb all tucked into it, fast asleep. I used to put her in it and set in in the bathroom while I took a bath. She would coo and babble at me and every once in a while I’d splash a little water at her and she’d laugh.

Sometimes it’s hard for me to realize that the objects don’t hold the memories, I do.  Perhaps why I’m still holding onto the burned chandelier from the dining room of our old house (It burned down in the San Diego wildfires last October-if you’re new to my blog). It’s terribly charred and distorted and looks nothing like it used to when it hung over our dining room table, but every time I see it, it’s feels as though I’ve lost this huge chunk of me. The hubbs was trying to convince me to throw it out yesterday while we were doing our spring cleaning, but I just don’t think I’m ready for that. Maybe next Spring.

I guess another reason it was so hard for me to part with all our old baby stuff is it just seems so final. Like this means for sure I am not having anymore children. If we did then we’d have to go out and buy all new baby stuff! I don’t want to be done having children. I loved being pregnant, I love kids! I just can’t have anymore right now. Now, if I won the lottery tomorrow, I’d be singing a different tune! I’d be knocked up by summer! But sadly, due to money problems (and the fact that I already have my hands full with a disabled toddler and clingy 7 month old) we just can’t live out our dreams of having a large family now.

I loved that baby stuff, but it’s just stuff. And even though I could still smell what Kayla smelled like as a baby on it’s cloth, that doesn’t mean I can’t smell it forever in my mind.

Okay…I’ve gone and made myself cry over a baby swing now. What a turd. Anyway, moving on…I know it’s going to hold my little baby niece or nephew in a few months and I know all of it will be appreciated. Then one day when their little one has grown and they have to get rid of it, they’ll know what I’m talking about now and won’t think I’ve just completely lost it!

Blah. What a weird post this is. Now going to get back to watching my Tivo’d shows like “The Bachelor.” Don’t be jealous. Haha!


Yes, I know, I know…the final episode of The Bachelor aired yesterday but I Tivo’d it and watched it tonight so to me it’s like it just happened. I’m a little behind the times. I don’t know what else to say but, WHAT?

He didn’t choose anyone. He sent them both home! AGGHH! I was so pissed! Of course I was voting for Jenni. If I saw Deanna blink her eyes one more time I thought I might have to throw my TV off the balcony.

Anyways, after I saw this confusing episode, I went on the message boards on and started reading. I came across a post that said it was from Brad himself and began reading;

“My lawyer suggested a put up a public post to avoid possible harassment in the future.   I was not able to use my name – it was unavailable because someone had taken the screen name already.

First and foremost, I would like to say Thank You from the bottom of my heart for watching this show.   I am grateful for the experience and will never regret it.   I got to know 25 gorgeous ladies and had the time of my life.

I have not had a chance to read any of the posts yet, but I promise you all I will read each and every single one of them and take them to heart.

I just want to thank all my loyal fans for hanging in there with me and for all the presents, cards, support and stuffed animals I have received.

First I must ask some of those to please  stop burning me in effigy.   It’s been disturbing the past 24 hours walking around Austin and seeing life-size cardboard cut outs of me being set on fire.   I obviously have issues, but those that would be so hurtful need to rethink their actions.

I truly cared about each woman.   But ABC edited out most of my concerns, so you only have a small picture of what really happened.   You can ask anyone who attended TFRC.

Jenni was wonderful girl but she was a kleptomaniac.   After I left her apartment the final night, I found $20 missing from my wallet.

Deanna was drop dead gorgeous and so seemingly well put together, but ABC informed me at the last minute that she was mentally ill and believed she was blinking Morse code messages to aliens from the Planet Zephelon.

And Bettina was a dream come true  until the overnight fantasy date when I discovered she had a p*nis.

So please keep in mind that there is more going on than you see on TV.   If you are a normal woman and would like the chance to date me, please visit my myspace page or meet up with me at one of my bars.   Looking forward to meeting you all!

Many Thanks and Blessings,


LMAO. I almost fell over I laughed so hard. Obviously this is not a message from the real Brad, but it was extremely entertaining nonetheless. The part about Deanna communicating with aliens by blinking Morse code, awesome.


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I am a mother to two girls; one is my little miracle "baby" and the other is brand new. This is life with a special needs child and a newborn...>> >>More...